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Post by synchronicity on Nov 30, 2008 23:04:58 GMT 10
Good Style Guide
1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) 4. Employ the vernacular. 5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 8. Contractions aren't necessary. 9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 10. One should never generalize. 11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. Be more or less specific. 15. Understatement is always best. 16. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be avoided. 20. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 21. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 22. Who needs rhetorical questions?
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Post by synchronicity on Nov 30, 2008 23:15:18 GMT 10
DAFFINITIONS
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
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Post by synchronicity on Dec 1, 2008 0:00:25 GMT 10
Irish Medical Dictionary
ARTERY - - - - - - - - - The Study of Paintings BACTERIA - - - - - - - Back Door of a Cafeteria BARIUM - - - - What Doctors Do When Patients Die BOWEL - - - - - A Letter Like A. E. I. 0 or U. CAESARIAN SECTION - - - A Neighbourhood in Rome CAT SCAN - - - - - - - - - Searching for Kitty CAUTERISE - - --- - - Made Eye-Contact With Her COMA - - - - - - - - - - - - A Punctuation Mark D & C - - - - - - - - - - - Where Washington Is DILATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - To Live Longer ENEMA - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Not A Friend FESTER - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Quicker FIBULA - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Small Lie GENITAL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Not A Jew G. I. SERIES - - - - - - - - A Soldier Ballgame HANGNAIL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Coat Hook IMPOTENT - - - - - - Distinguished, Well-Known LABOUR PAIN - - - - - - - Getting Hurt At Work MEDICAL STAFF - - - - - - - - - - Doctors Cane MORBID - - - - - - - - --- - - - A Higher Offer NITRATES - - - - - - - - Cheaper Than Day Rates NODE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Was Aware Of OUTPATIENT - - - - - - A Person Who Has Fainted PAP SMEAR - - - - - - - - - - A Fatherhood Test PELVIS - - - - - - - - - - - A Cousin To Elvis RECOVERY ROOM - - - - - Place To Do Upholstery RECTUM - - - - - - - - - Bloody Near Killed Them SECRETION - - - - - - - - - - Hiding Something SEIZURE - - - - - - - - - - - - - Roman Emperor TABLET - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Small Table TERMINAL ILLNESS - - Getting Sick At The Airport TUMOUR - - - - - - - - - - - - - More Than One URINE - - - - - - - - - Opposite Of Youre Out VARICOSE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Nearby VEIN - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Conceited
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